On the Flip Side

Can my life ever be UNcomplicated? I'm thinking no. I'm thinking that life is like Playdough...waiting to be molded and twisted into whatever ridiculous thing God (or whoever) wants to make it.
I'm dropping out of school. For sure. I'm done. I'm going to get a job, get my CNA (Certified Nurse's License) during the summer in Salina, and work as a CNA all of next year to see if I like it. If I do, nursing school it is. If I don't, I'll find something else. End of discussion.
Dean and I broke up. It was mostly mutual, although he brought it up. I'm glad he did, though, because I wouldn't have had the guts to. Neither one of us is in a place to be in a relationship. He's trying to leave for three years, who the hell KNOWS what's in store for me. We're like...two feathers way up in the air. I think it's safe to say that it's open ended --- maybe someday, when we've got our feet on the ground, we can try again. He's still my best friend...wouldn't trade that for the world. Nothing between us has changed, as far as feelings are concerned, just....right two people, wrong time. Plus, he pointed out something --- I changed when we started dating. I became way more cautious because I thought if I argued, I'd lose him. Turns out, he likes the challenge. Go figure. Haha....I guess I'll just stick to being me. And you know what else is weird? As soon as we broke up, the huge elephant in the room dissappeared. It had been there since we started dating. This big sign that said "Hey! You're not ready for this!", which I chose to ignore and convinced him to pretend it wasn't there --- but....can't pretend forever. Honestly, I think this is really good...for both of us as individuals. I can focus on myself, he can focus on himself, and we can let our friendship grow even stronger. :) I'm strangely okay with all of it.

That's my life for right now. I'm hella exhausted and my eyes are killing me from crying, but I'm going to read and have quality time with my bed....mmmm....bed.

M