Sooo...I wrote this and posted it to facebook, but I figured I'd re-post it here so you all can see my "25 facts" --- laaammee.
24. When I am alone, I get lost in thoughts about how I can change things...make them better...sometimes it's about myself as a person, sometimes about current situations, sometimes to make other people more at ease or happy, and sometimes it's just to play out, in my mind, how FUCKED things could be if I did them differently.
23. I hate drama. You say, how can she hate drama when she's so into Theater?! -- It's very easy. Drama is damned near the main reason I have shied AWAY from theater. I'm not jumping at the bits to be in every show I could possibly audition for, I have no passion for it anymore because being on stage...being up there and making people laugh...almost isn't worth it anymore because of all the bull I have to put up with the minute I walk offstage.
22. I have the single most amazing friends anyone could ask for. I really do. I love them soooo much, they'll probably never understand how much I care. But I'd do anything for them...they've all been with me through so much, in their own separate ways. I appreciate it to no end.
21. I fake being happy a lot. I'm naturally quiet and contemplative, but that's not approachable...so I taught myself to be loud, outgoing, witty, and somewhat brash. Apparently that's what attracts people. My true friends know me -- the one who gets lost in her thoughts and cries on a very regular basis. Who could spend hours doodling in a notebook. That's what makes them true friends...when they know both sides and love both sides and just let me be...me.
20. If I could lay in bed, with a good long book, and my iPod all day, I would. I have no motivation to leave my bed...especially if it tears me away from my book and my music. I guess, if I had to say something to this effect, music is my life.
19. My least favorite thing in the whole universe are job applications. I hate them. I hate them with a passion of a thousand fiery suns. And maybe it's because I know, in the long run, that's all it is: a job. I'm ready to push the fast-forward button on my life and have it all figured out and have a path. Right now, it's monotonous school and monotonous work...blah blah blah..kind of reminds me of the teacher on Charlie Brown...hmm.
18. I have more respect for Christianity than I'd like to admit. Actually, I have more respect for faith as a whole more than I want to admit. But that's just it...I have respect for FAITH....not religion. Organized religion isn't something I'm a fan of, but faith...you always have to have faith in something. Whether it be yourself, a higher being, chocolate, etc....faith is very important to one's well-being.
17. I've already picked my wedding dress. Premature, I know...who knows if a wedding is even in the works for me EVER...but there's a picture of it on my bulletin board in my dorm room. It's cream-colored lace over a considerable amount of taffeta, topped off with a gold, beaded mesh bustier with double straps. Very vintage, old hollywood, but very gorgeous and simple. How I like it...simple.
16. I am kind of, sort of, very much addicted to M&M's. Most people don't know it, because I've cut back QUITE a bit since high school, but when I'm stressed or mad or just bored, M&M's are my savior. I have a very large bag by my bed right now, on top of the M&M dispenser in my room, PLUS I buy a couple of bags at the coffee shop downstairs every day before I head off to class.
15. I have a picture on my bulletin board of my dad and I when I was under a year old...we're both sleeping on the couch, me nudged in between his stomach and the couch in the crook of his arm. I look at it every day to remember when things were simple, so I can believe there is a calmer place in this crazy world that I live in.
14. I have an innate hatred for people who disrespect people they claim to "love" -- mothers who hurt their kids, husbands and wives who hurt their spouses, friends who hurt friends. I understand some things can't be avoided, but when you're doing something you KNOW is going to hurt someone who cares for you and you just disregard that because of your own selfish crap? THAT is what peeves me.
13. I have the loudest, craziest, obnoxiously loving, out of control huggy, kissy, screamy, funny, perfect family in the whole world. I couldn't ask for anything more or anything less...they're just amazing the way they are, issues and all.
12. I'm picky. With men. With friends. With even the kind of socks I put on in the morning. I like things a certain way, I'm a control freak, and I don't take no for an answer. I will explore ALL possibilities of something I want until I can't explore any more and 'no' is the only thing I'm going to get. I guess that makes me stubborn too.
11. That said, I'll be the first to give up my own happiness for someone else. I'm flexible in a way that makes me somewhat attainable for most people. I never want someone to feel like I'm obligating them to do something. And I hate asking for things. Dean always tells me to just say what I want, stop bullshitting around...but that's really hard because I don't know that what I want is what someone else wants, too. I assume it's a burden to someone else to do what I want, even though I do what everyone else wants, whether it's a burden or not. Maybe it's an avoidance of conflict, I'm not sure. But definetly something I need to work on.
10. I am self-conscious to a degree. My naked body is NOT my favorite thing and I'm always finding things wrong with it, things I'll think someone else will notice and ultimately find me disgusting or unattractive. It's worse with someone I really care about. I don't want them to see my flaws...at least, my obvious ones...because then I may lose them. It's always in the back of my mind, nagging at me. Weirdly enough, I wouldn't dream of being a size 6 or buying clothes in the Junior's section. I wouldn't be ME if I weren't, as Monica puts it, "voluptuous". I guess it's a double-edged sword.
9. "I do not apologize for the length of this note. You're the one reading it." (...stole that from Kristin)
8. I am sadly obsessed with shoes. If someone gave me $5000, the first thing I would buy is a new, gorgeous, fantastic, expensive, outrageous pair of pumps...four inch heels are like an amazing cup of hot chocolate: warm, loving, and orgasmic.
7. I loooooovvvvvveee to laugh. I love it more than anything -- I love to open my mouth and let out a hearty, loud, giggly, huge laugh at something that tickles my funny bone. I love the humor in every day things. I find myself constantly noticing things about people walking down the hill on campus, in class, at lunch, in the hall --- things that are innately funny, but no one else seems to see the comic potential. I lay awake at night thinking about things I could describe to other people ABOUT other people. It's kind of lame, really -- especially when I laugh out loud, lost in my own thought, and Monica snorts awake. :)
6. I am not a normal college student in the sense that I hate coffee. I HATE coffee. I don't even like the smell of it. I am a tea person, all the way. Everyone is like "let's have a coffee date" -- I say "okay, but I'll drink tea" :)
5. If my life were a musical, it would be called "Mooks!". It would be dry, witty, CRAZY, energetic, with songs about love, life, stupid people, college, homeworks, and...more love.
4. My answers are getting shorter because I just realized I still have French homework to do, since I'm most likely not going to class tomorrow due to me feeling like the world is closing in around me --- in a physical sense, that is. I'm sick sick sick.
3. I really like to brush my teeth. I find it calming. I like to stand there, with the water running (not eco-friendly at all), and stare at myself making funny faces in the mirror while I scrub those little things that work so hard all day --- I put them through hell with tea, chocolate, food, ice, gum, straws, etc. If teeth could talk, they'd probably tell me to fuck off. I chew on EVERYTHING. Even the strings to my sweatshirt. It must be an oral fixation from when I smoked for all of 2.5 seconds.
2. I am, yes, proudly and openly bisexual. I had a girlfriend for a while, it didn't work out (high school "relationshits" [haha Kare Bear]). I do lean towards men, for sure --- probably because I get along with them much more than women. It takes a lot for me to like a girl, but I'm open to it of course :) I think people get bicuriosity mixed up with bisexuality because they think being bisexual means you're physically attracted to women --- which is true, but you also need to be able to fall in love, mentally and emotionally, with a woman. A lot of girls are physically attracted and want to experiment, but could never see themselves in a RELATIONSHIP with a woman. That's the difference.
1. I love to live. I love to grab an opportunity by the horns and run with it until my legs won't hold me anymore. Relationships, friendships, school, not school, family, fun, adventure....I love to embrace it all and hold that most dear
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