Moment of Truth

Today has the potential of being the worst (or best) day of my life thus far. I've been going back and forth over the last couple of days deciding whether to take this leap of faith, but I think it's time I just stand up for what I want and give a much needed ultimatum. Tonight, I'm going to Manhattan to talk to Dean. I need to know where we stand, what his feelings are, and (most of all) what we're doing. Even though we've broken up, we're still in that weird limbo of acting like we're dating, but we're not. So when people ask how my "boyfriend" is, I say "oh, he's fine" and in my mind I'm going Wait, he's not my boyfriend...what the hell.
Essentially, I'm going to sit him down and ask him to humor me, to listen, and if I ask him a question, to be as brutally honest as possible. Then I'm going to ask him a few questions -- questions I've been wondering about for quite some time, but just didn't want to ask (mostly for fear of the answer). And then, depending on how that goes, I'm going to flat out ask him if he loves me. Because if he does, we need to make this work. I don't care about the title, I dont' care if he introduces me as his friend or his girlfriend or whatever, but I need to know that we're in this together. That I'm not alone and that it's not one-sided. But if he doesn't, then I will walk away and he'll never see me again. Hmm...never is a strong word, but it's the one I'm choosing for now. Being his friend hurts much too much. He ruined that when he mentioned one word about loving me. So I have to stand up for myself, tell him how I feel, give him an ultimatum, and if he chooses the latter...I need to walk away, cry, and proceed to get over him. Because right now, he's not even being a good friend and that breaks my heart more than anything.