Kay. This is ridic.

The lack of stability in my life is now effecting my relationships with people. I don't feel like I can commit to a relationship that I KNOW I want because I feel like one stable thing in my life with throw off the balance of the overall instability which will just piss me off and make me yearn for stability even more. I have NO idea if that made any sense anywhere else besides inside my own brain, but run with it. I don't feel like I'm in one place, so I'm struggling with being with one person. I feel like...I feel like my own world has been thrown up in the air, scattered in the wind, and I'm trying to find all the small crappy pieces so I can put back together some semblance of sanity. It's so overwhelming when I stop and think about how much I drive, how much I cry, how angry I am all of the time. It's so infuriating. Especially since I have basically a zilch relationship with my mother at this point. I know that me not being completely and utterly in love with school stresses her out on top of her mother being sick and on top of her blatant irresponsibility with finances. But...I can't talk to her about a simple subject because she shuts down and freaks out and acts like the whole world is ending because dad or I asked a simple question. So I just don't talk anymore. She asks me questions, but I know she doesn't want the answer nor will she remember what I said the next day anyway (mostly because she's half listening, half wallowing).
Ugh. I'm tired. Goodnight.