Happiness maybe?

As a preface: I'm only writing this as a rant. Not preaching, not being dramatic, but I started writing during class and this is what spewed out.


Somewhere, maybe parallel to this world, is a beautiful place where promises are kept, expectations don't exist, broken hearts are not as painful, and people actually have faith in other people. But that world seems to only exist in movies and the imaginations of writers, painters, and musicians. Our dreams hold more of what we truthfully want. Everyone needs to trust their subconscious, their "gut", so to speak. The fear of judgment is so great, so fierce, that almost no one is who they really want to be. But maybe we, as a whole, are not meant to be completely happy. Maybe we will always be searching for something better, something more fulfilling. It's almost sad to think about, though, because the idea that we'll always be striving in vain is morbid, to say the least. I think the greatest challenge anyone will ever face is to be happy and content with themselves. It's obviously much more difficult for some people, for personal reasons as well as societal standards.
"You must go to college."
"You must make a lot of money"
"You must get married."
Yada, yada, yada...
If I could count the times I've been "directed" to do something because it's what I "must" do to be "successful", I'd be here until I'm twenty five. We dont' have time to be frantic or in a rush. I know, that seems contradictory. "If you don't have time, get it done NOW!" But...if that were the case, I'd be an almost-junior in college probably studying something that will result in a career I'll end up hating by the time I'm forty. Given, a lot of people know exactly what they want to do, WILL graduate college on time, and will work and enjoy the same career for the better part of almost fifty years. Great, awesome, I'm jealous. But that's not the only option....life is short, yes, but if it's not enjoyable because of your high stress levels not only will you shorten your life, but it's just as much a waste of time as watching FOX News - you'll get nothing out of it! My best friend just started Cosmetology school in April and I'm so proud of her...she left college because she wasn't happy and wanted to do what she was born to do and I couldn't love her more. I, like her, know what it's like to say "I left college" and get those looks like "Failure, failure, failure..." but...we're not failures. We just know that when we're not happy, something needs to change. I'm not saying we're perfect, or that everyone should drop out, but it takes some courage to do that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm thankful someone gave me an 'out' - let me know that it's okay to take my time, find out where my life is going, and enjoy being and discovering who I am. I'm not trying to say I know what I'm doing because I don't. No clue. My life is up in the air. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being somewhat of a mess because at some point it'll all come back down to earth and everything will be as it should.
Maybe in that separate universe, everyone can enjoy themselves without fear. But in the chaotic lives we lead, it seems almost impossible...but here's to dreaming.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." - John Lennon