Why Didn't God Make Me Gay?

I asked myself that question the other day as I drooled over Adam Lambert's new music video for the song FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. But then again, if I were gay my life would be even MORE complicated than it already is and honestly, I'm not sure if I could handle the craziness.
Speaking of craziness, I had my first Saturday on the floor. I did a manicure and a pedicure and a hair cut. I kind of rocked the hair cut....of course. The mani and the pedi were easy peasy.
I've noticed...through trial and error and the fault of mine that I need stability. I've always thought of myself as kind of a free spirit, but lately...as I've grown up and kind of figured out who I am, I've noticed that the lack of stability...of consistancy...of a plan...has a profound effect on me physically and psychologically. I get physically sick to my stomach and sweaty and nervous when I am unsure of where I stand in a particular situation. I get extremely irritable and depressed and cry when something doesn't go according to plan. It's really kind of a hinderance to me, personally, because I've always kind of catered to my friends and made them a priority but I'm noticing that it's time I'M a priority. I need to do me before I can do them, and if they want me to put them on a pedestal, it's about damn time they do the same for me and go out of THEIR way to help me out. I'm just sick of being walked all over, I suppose.
But I can blog about it all I want, it won't change a damn thing. I need to get assertive and tell people what I think and how I want things to be...I'm terrible at that unless it's someone I know will be there unconditionally. I guess I'm ultimately very scared of losing people or ending relationships because of my own seemingly petty wants or needs. You know? Maybe that sounds stupid, but...I cater to people so that they will develop a sort of need for me. So that without me, they're somewhat lost. Manipulation of my relationships with people to keep them in the positive is sort of a talent. A talent that is taking a serious toll on my insecurity. I just don't think it's worth it anymore. Who knows. I'm done ranting now.